So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize