I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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