Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
