im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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