Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
