The maid of honor just puked.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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