Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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