I showed him my bush... on skype.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
