the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
