Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
