Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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