ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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