do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
