New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
