Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
