I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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