Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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