Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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