fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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