ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
