margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize