He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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