So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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