please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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