You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
