Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
