He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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