accomplished twins. life is a go
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
