these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
