Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
