This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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