he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
