she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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