ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
