She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
