It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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