In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
