I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
