Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
