normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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