Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
