Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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