I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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