p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
