Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
