When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
