I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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