I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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