oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
