Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
