I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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