a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
