# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize