My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
