I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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