Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
