When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
