I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
