Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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