I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
