Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
