Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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