Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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