We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just tell him i said nine months
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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