Can Purell be used as lube?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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