After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
