a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
