My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
