i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
