So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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