told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
