I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize