If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
