He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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