Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
