On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
