Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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