what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
