I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
