I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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