Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
