i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
