We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
