I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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