Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
