I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
