maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
