also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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