I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fuck appropriateness.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
