i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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