you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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