well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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