How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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