Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize