I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
should my penis look like a turkey
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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