I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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