apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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